Pork Fried Rice
by JenerikMindz
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke own a Chinese restaurant that also deals with private contracting. Retrieval, Protection and the all time favorite... Assassination. Pay well enough and you might just get a free Mu Shu Pork, courtesy of the chef.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto...

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"Two pair."

"Same. Ace high." The man across from the speaker scowled.

"You fucking cheated! There is no way in hell you can win this many games in a row with out cheating." he said. The speaker was a portly looking gentleman with a black business suit and a cigar in his mouth. The person he was accusing was a blond man, who also was in a business suit, though it was white with red pinstripes, and a cigar in his mouth as well. The portly man snapped his overly ringed fingers. "Anything you would like to say in your defense you fucking cheater?" The blond man sighed, stood up, and started to pack up his winnings. The portly man laughed. "Packing up _my _winnings, I see. How nice of you." The blond man smiled.

"Your winnings?" he asked. "I won them fair and square. I don't see how they could be yours." This prompted the other man to laugh. "You can keep the cards though." He said as he picked up the set of cards that were his hand during the game. The cards flashed red briefly before the man threw one each at the round man and his bodyguards. They all exploded upon impact. He picked up another five cards from the top of the deck. When he looked at them, he smiled. He placed them on what was left of the cadaver. "Royal Flush... bitch."

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"The boss said that we were supposed to go out and find the girl. What will we accomplish by being here?" asked a nondescript looking fellow. The other one sneered.

"You dumbass. We were told that the whore can be found here." he responded. He took out a picture and looked at it before looking at another woman who was being harassed. "Thats the bitch." He said. He walked up to the group that was harassing the woman. "Nakamura would like to talk to her." he plainly stated. The group looked stunned for a moment, before nodding and walking away. The girl was in tears.

"What do you want from me?!" she cried. The man grinned.

"That's just it. The boss wants _you._" She started sobbing. The man got fed up so he hit her in the back of her neck, rendering her unconscious. "Time to go." he said to his compatriot. The man nodded and felt something wrap around his neck. He heard a click and was shocked with enough volts to fry him from the inside out in close to an instant. His partner didn't notice anything because of the silent nature of the kill. He only realized something was wrong when it was already to late. A man in a mask and an all black trench coat came up to the downed girl.

"Time to go back to your family." he said, in a monotone voice.

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Sarutobi sighed as he continued to sign the paperwork that piled up in his office. He wished that he had declined the position of kage, and was still out in the fiewanted to do besides paperwork. He needed to do something. Anything! Luckily for him, his savior came in the form of chinese food.

"Hey old man. Hows life?" asked a blond haired teenager. He looked to be about 18 and was wearing an apron. He had a bag of Chinese food in his hand, and a cheeky smile on his face. Sarutobi smiled. Thank goodness there was at least one good constant in his life.

"It could be a lot better right now." the old man replied. "You know how paperwork is." Naruto nodded. "You know, I could use a little help finishing this mu shu pork..." Sarutobi smiled, hinting to Naruto that he wouldn't mind a little company to help distract him from the piles of work.

"And I'm just a touch bit hungry." Said Naruto as he smiled as well. They ate they're meal with a smile on their faces, and a happy heart. They talked about trivial things, like the weather, family and how the Chinese shop was doing. After a good half an hour, they're together time reached a close as Sarutobi informed Naruto that he needed to do paperwork but was thankful for the drop in with his favorite food. Naruto just replied by nodding and left with a wave for a good bye. Sarutobi smiled. His spirit was much less heavy now. Again, he thanked kami for the good constants in his life, then returned to his paperwork.

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"So how was Hokage-sama?" asked a black haired man as Naruto walked into a nice looking Chinese restaurant/ take-out joint.

"He was thankful for the interference in paperwork, as usual." said Naruto in a playful tone. "I swear, how does this village function if the Kage keeps putting off his paperwork?" he half-asked. The black haired man laughed.

"I'd like to see you do _our _paperwork before you can make fun of the man." he responded. Naruto shivered.

"No thanks Sasuke."

"Thought so." Just then, a beautiful looking blond woman walked into the store. "Hey Haruka." greeted Sasuke. She waved at him before dropping a suitcase on the floor.

"Oi! I just waxed that floor!" yelled Naruto. Haruka gave him a glare.

"Deal with it Naruto. Don't piss me off today, the boyfriend just dumped me yesterday for another girl. You can bet I'm going to kick his ass from here to Kumo." she growled out. Naruto had a blank look on his face.

"I wonder why. I mean, with your sunny personality, I don't know why your boyfriends always end up leaving." he said, sarcasm dripping heavily. She scowled at him.

"Test me Uzumaki."

"Two plus three."

"That's it!" She lunged at him, only for him to dive out of the way. "Sasuke! Hold this prick down!" she yelled. Sasuke looked sheepish for a moment.

"Sorry Haruka, I don't wanna eat pork fried _rat _again." he replied.

"That's right Sasuke! You help her and rat will be the least of your worries!" said Naruto as he ran around the room, hopping over tables and the like, attempting to escape the clutches of the evil woman. Sasuke turned green and looked like he was about to throw up.

"Uzumaki you better get back here!"

"Never!" The chase lasted another 10 minutes before Sasuke grabbed both of them by their collars as they both passed his location.

"You know Haruka, Naruto and you fight enough to be a married couple. You sure you two aren't going out or something?" he asked, a sly smile posted upon his face. The both blushed and looked away.

"Not in this lifetime!" they shouted in unison. Sasuke just sighed and let them go. They growled at each other. Sasuke jumped in between them and held his arms out.

"Bad!" They looked at him incredulously.

"Does he think we're dogs or something?" asked Naruto. Haruka shook her head.

"He better not. Come to think of it, who made him peacemaker?"

"Not me."

"I."

"Huh?"

"It's not _I_. Not _not me._"

"I'm pretty sure you're wrong."

"I'm pretty sure I'm right." Naruto growled in response. Haruka growled back.

"And you wonder why I think you two are animals." said Sasuke. They both turned to him and growled. "Good doggies. Stay... stay. Bad! Very bad! Ahhh!" They started chasing him, taking swipes everytime they got close to him. This went on until Naruto tripped on the briefcase that Haruka brought in earlier.

"What's in the case?" asked Naruto. Haruka smiled.

"You're next mission." she replied.

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Tell me what you thought of it. I'm trying to keep it light and humorous. It will get a tad bit heavier later on, but for now, the missions will be 3 chapters each and maybe one or two fillers in between missions. Their strengths and pasts will be shown, but this will be at a later date. This is heavy AU by the way (if you haven't noticed) and absolutely nothing will be the same as the manga... well, it might be. The future is just that... the future. Impossible to foresee. Peace.


End file.
